You’ll Never Have Me (The Never Series Book 3) Read online

  Death threats, no family and having to abandon the people who may actually care for me. Oh yeah, this is the best year of my life. Not.

  TWO

  BEING at Roxie’s is fun, but it only serves to show me how lonely I really am. She has a family that adores her and does everything they can to include her in their plans. She finds it stifling and I’m nothing but envious. Why couldn’t I have this too?

  My phone has not stopped going off since I got here and it’s been eight days, I’m trying to ignore it but I’m curious by nature, I guess. I think I need to get out of the house and away from the happy family for an hour or two, and Roxie is seeing Declan, so it’s the perfect time to get away and be alone.

  Her family is so lovely her brother even offers to tag along, but I politely decline. Sitting in my car and leaving their drive; I feel as though I can finally breathe.

  I’m a glutton for punishment and looking through my phone only intensifies all the pain coursing through me. What’s that saying ‘a watched phone, is a silent phone’ well they were full of crap. Seeing as mine choose this moment to play Elijah’s song, don’t answer, do not fucking answer Henleigh Monterey.

  “Why are you calling me?” My voice is thick with emotion and I’m holding my breath just waiting to hear his voice.

  “Because you’re haunting me,” So soft and desolate, not a trace of a smile to be heard. I’ve done this to him, I should be so proud. I hate that my inner voice is so sarcastic.

  “Elijah,” his name is nothing more than a whisper and I can hear how jagged his breathing is becoming.

  “Is it the same for you? If not, then why did you answer?”

  Because I miss you.

  “To tell you to stop,” I say out loud, but I sound hesitant and unsure to my own ears.

  “Liar,” he laughs softly, and it warms me up inside.

  “I can’t do this Eli, it’s too much,” I’m telling him to go, but my heart is screaming for him to keep fighting, trying to reach me.

  “Let me see you, please Hen. Just once and then I’ll,” he’s hesitating to finish his sentence and I can hear the tears, “I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you truly want.”

  No, no, no, no.

  “Okay, just today and then you have to let me go for good Eli. I mean it,” I say through my own tears and I lack all conviction. I hate how weak they have made me, but I wouldn’t trade the memories for all the strength in the world.

  It’s funny how he was already here; in the same town that Roxie lives in, it's no secret I was coming here but are they in cahoots?

  I can see him waiting on a bench in the little park area, I chose Rochester because it wasn’t a long drive from where Roxie lives and it’s a beautiful place to visit. And the sweet shop has the most amazing fudge.

  He looks up as I get closer and his eyes hold so many emotions. I can see his pain, anger, frustration and the happiness he’s feeling even though he’s trying to act cool and unaffected. Elijah can’t act for shit, he’s honest to a fault and I love that about him. It’s the same with his arrogance, it put me off when we first met but now I see it for what it is, his mask to hide his insecurities. It doesn’t work but it throws you off at first or at least, it threw me off and had me misjudging him right off the bat.

  He’s up on his feet and racing towards me, but he stops as I lift my hand up, palm facing outwards towards him. I can’t let him hold me. If I do, I can’t be sure how this will end.

  “Hen, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he says, and he looks so haggard and worn down. I’ve done nothing but make things harder for him and Noah, I never should have let them in.

  “How you keeping big guy?” the nickname falls with very little thought and his eyes spark at the familiarity.

  “I feel like hammered shit if that’s what you mean,” he sounds so sardonic. “I’m going to hold you now Henleigh,” he’s so definite and adamant that it will happen, but it won’t, it can’t.

  “No, I can’t let you do that Elijah,” I whisper but my tone holds the unlined warning within it.

  “Then punch me, kick me I don’t give two flying fucks. If this is the last time I get to see you then I’m going to make the most of it.”

  He storms up to me and my heart is beating frantically, while my breath is releasing in choppy bursts. His big hands slide across my waist as he pulls me hard until I’m flush against him. I don’t think as I slap him across the face, but it only serves to strengthen his resolve as he presses his head into the crook of my neck.

  I could hurt him, easily push him away but instead… my fingers are curling through his hair as I hold him in place. I can feel him shaking and my neck is feeling wet, my happy, cocky, big guy is crying, and it’s more than I can bear.

  I’m going to pull away, put some much needed distance between us and tell him once and for all that I’m done with this. With him. Padstow is in my rear-view mirror and I’m never going to look back.

  I tug gently on his hair and he moans a little before pulling back, we’re so close every time I exhale my chest brushes against his. His face is so close to mine and his gaze is filled with longing and a hunger that is scaring the ever loving life right out of me.

  I’m pushing him away. Seriously push him away.

  His eyes drop down to my mouth and my tongue darts out across my lips against my will. His eyes narrow slightly as he brings his face closer. His eyes are on mine but occasionally drop to my lips. He’s making his intent clear and giving me the option to stop it now.

  Stop it Henleigh, don’t do this. It will only make the pain worse.

  I can’t stop it and as his mouth connects with mine, it’s like I can breathe again, it’s wrong to need him so deeply but it’s impossible to fight. His tongue is exploring every nook and cranny I have, and as ours tangle together, his fingers spread out across my hips. They dig in so deep, I won’t be surprised if I find bruises later, and I don’t care if I do.

  “Get a room, there are kids about,” someone shouts out, riddled with disgust at our antics.

  Elijah pulls away, breathing hard and fast but he has a smile on his face again and he’s starting to look like my Eli again. I stroke my hand down the planes of his face, his stubble grazing my skin but I can’t stop. Needing to imprint his face into my mind, so even if I somehow forget my own name I’ll never forget him.

  “I won’t see you again after today, will I?” His eyes are begging me to deny it, but I can hear it in the sadness coating his voice, he already knows what my answer will be.

  “If I could have anything in this world, it would be you. Okay maybe give me two things so I can be greedy and keep Noah as well,” I say with a laugh, but the seriousness of this conversation makes it fall flat and die out quickly. “The thing is, I can’t have that and I can’t tell you why. I want you to be happy Elijah, I want that for all three of you. Please, try to be happy and believe me, you will find someone who deserves a guy like you. You all will,” pain radiates through the entirety of my being, I don’t want them to be happy with anyone else. I only want it to be me.

  I need to stop being selfish. This is why I can’t allow myself to see him again.

  “I don’t want anyone else, but I’ll stop trying to reach out to you if that’s what you want. I don’t want to do anything that could make this harder for you. And I know you’re struggling because I can see it in your eyes,” his hand is trailing down my cheek and catching the errant tears with the pad of his thumb. “Stay with me, just for tonight. Please don’t say no,” his eyes beseech me to not turn him away right now.

  “It’ll only make it harder and hurt more,” I say weakly, my resolve crumbling as his eyes capture mine in their intensity.

  “You’re worth all the pain,” he says before I’m back in his arms and he’s dominating my mouth with his own.

  He leads me to his hotel room, his hand never leaving mine. I think he’s scared that if he lets go for even a second, I’ll run or maybe I’ll just
crumble away and this perfect moment will turn into a nightmare for us both.

  He closes the door behind us before leading me to the chair in his room. But that isn’t what I want. Sitting will lead to talking and that will either lead to tears, fighting or my mind being changed. Hey knowing my luck all three of those will happen like a snowball effect until we’re more battered and bruised than we were before we set foot in this room.

  “Elijah, make me yours,” it comes out soft, but all my love and desire is fuelling it and I know he can see it in my eyes and hear it in those four powerful words that I have no right to say to him.

  He looks at me for a moment before leading me over to his bed, he sits me on the edge before moving away. There’s two feet of distance before us as his eyes lock onto mine, and they refuse to release me from their hold. He starts to remove his coat before tossing it onto the desk. Then he starts on his shirt, he’s taking his time, it’s agonisingly slow and the movements and the promise of what’s coming has me squirming.

  He releases the last button before sliding it over his thick shoulders and I watch helplessly as it slips to the floor. The planes of his chest are as chiselled and muscular as I remember. I know it hasn’t been that long but to my heart, it has been several lifetimes. He slips his trainers off and his socks quickly follow, before he releases the button on his jeans and they slowly slide down his legs. Saliva is pooling in my mouth as I watch every second of this slow strip tease he is doing for me. The only thing he leaves in place are his boxers, showing that glorious v that is like my very own holy grail and his eyes are only growing darker with the lust coursing through him, but he doesn’t remove the distance he has placed before us. His boxers are tight against him, hugging him just right and there’s no denying his lust with the way they’re tenting. I just wish I could get a look at his arse in the best boxers ever invented.

  Why won’t he move?

  “Henleigh, if this is all I get, then I want to make it last. Are you happy with that?” his voice is thick with need and I can’t speak through the desire taking me over. So I simply nod instead.

  “Strip for me baby.”

  It’s an order, plain and simple and it has my blood moving up from a simmer to a boil. Dominant Elijah is mind blowing. I think I need this, because I cannot think straight with the way he is looking at me right now.

  I’m rising up to my feet and lifting my jumper up over my head, “slowly,” he orders, I don’t think he can manage more than one word right now.

  I lift it up slowly and drop it down onto the floor by my feet, before I do the same with my top and then pop the buttons on my jeans. I turn around and hear him growl as I slide my jeans over my arse and bend over to work them down the rest of the way. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, I have no idea but his hands comes over my shoulder before I’m pulled back up. His arm rests across the top of my chest and his hand is across my throat, holding my head against his neck. My heart is thumping so hard, I’m surprised I can’t see it through my skin. I wonder if he can hear it?

  His free hand pushes inside the cup of my bra and draws my nipple in between his thumb and finger, he teases it painfully slow. Drawing gasps from me as he trails kisses down my neck and along my shoulder, before sinking his teeth into my tender flesh as he pinches my nipple harder.

  I shout out from the pleasure pain he is causing in me as his hand slips free from my bra and travels down the front of my body. I feel his fingers brush across my ribs before gliding over my stomach. My head is still held back and I can’t keep my eyes open. It feels good, too good. His hand dips inside the lace of my French knickers and his finger glides through the wetness already coating me.

  “Henleigh, baby, you feel so good,” he chokes out as he teases my nub with his thumb as he sinks a finger inside my already molten core.

  He hisses through his teeth as the other hand leaves my neck and starts stroking my breast through my bra. He sighs in relief as I awkwardly remove it and I groan as his hand closes over my already sensitive nipples as he works me over. I do not know how much more I can take, but it’s almost more than I can bear as he pulls away and I can’t believe I’m growling at him.

  He presses back up against my back and I’m trembling with need as his mouth brushes across my ear, “I told you I wanted this to last,” is all he says as he spins me around and picks me up by my waist.

  He lies me down on the mattress before he disappears inside the mini fridge. Yeah, I’m confused now. Is he fucking hungry or something? Because this is taking the piss. I’m hot and bothered and feeling beyond frustrated right now.

  He turns around and pins me once again with his look as he smiles his signature, mischievous grin. He isn’t saying anything as he strokes the tips of his fingers up my ankle and along the lines of my legs. Leaving nothing but tingles and goose bumps in his wake.

  He’s still smiling as his body follows the direction of his hands and he doesn’t stop until I can feel his breath washing over my sensitive skin. I’m squirming again at the thought of feeling his mouth against my nub and his tongue between my lips. I just need him to do something!

  He strokes his fingers through me again, making me arch off from the bed before his mouth descends on my clit and I buck up from my spot. His mouth is so cold, it’s such a contrast to the warmth of his lips. He pulls back for a moment and removes something from between his lips. He brandishes it with pride and it isn’t surprising me right now that its ice. Where did he get the idea for that?

  Jealousy is rearing its ugly head, but it soon vanishes as he thrusts his tongue deep inside me, whilst running the cube of ice over my lips. I’m so close and my fingers are gripping his hair tight as my hips move up and down. Until colour bursts before my eyes and my body is as tight as a bow string, as the most intense orgasm of my life courses through me.

  He stays there for a few more moments as he laps up every last drop I have to give before his eyes meet mine again and I see pure, unadulterated love shining through.

  He climbs up my body, languidly. As though we have all the time in the world, but really, we only have tonight. I can feel my tears pricking at my eyes and his gaze tells me he knows why I’m on the verge of crying and I think he’s right there with me.

  He goes to grab a condom but I stop him, I’m clean and well protected against pregnancy. I don’t want there to be anything between us. “I want to feel you Eli, no barriers. Please.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks, hesitating but I have no hesitation within me not for this. I slide his boxers over his arse and thankfully he helps me to remove them completely.

  I line him up with me and we moan in unison as he pushes his way inside and fills me up completely.

  AS REUNIONS GO, I don’t think it can get any more explosive than the one we experience. It’s wrought with emotions and tensions and a bucket full of pain, but I’m glad I agreed to come and see him.

  “Stay the night okay,” he says, as he pulls me into his arms and cocoons me thoroughly. I can hear the fear in his voice that I won’t be here when he awakens and I refuse to do that to him. Not now, I regret that I even tried to do that to Amias and I make it my mission in life to always learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.

  “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise,” I vow, and I know he hears the honesty in my voice because he falls asleep while I just lie here and think about how bleak the future is. At least I got to experience happiness one last time, right?

  I do eventually drift off and waking up beside a smiling Elijah is the best start to the day I could ever ask for.

  “If I asked you not to leave, would you consider it?” he asks, his smile still in place but his tone is full of melancholy.

  “Of course I would, but I can’t change my answer. If I could promise you this isn’t forever, then I would in a heartbeat, but we have no idea what’s in store for us,” I say quietly and I can’t meet his eyes.

  “Henleigh, what are you planning?” His tone is a mixture of w
orry and his eyes are opening in shock as if he’s just had a huge wake up call.

  Well blow me, has he figured something out?

  “You know, we’ve all been wondering why you would push me away out of all of us. Sure I never told you what they were keeping from you, but it wasn’t my secret to tell and I didn’t even know about Amias’ until after he took that beating. Anyway, I couldn’t figure out why you would do it. If you wanted me gone that’s fine, I could understand it but I know that isn’t the case,” he’s growing more animated as he speaks and there isn’t a hint of doubt anywhere to be found. “No, you’re planning something and I get the feeling that it may not end well. Please tell me you haven’t figured out who caused Elliott’s death. I know you want to go after them, but you can’t,” his voice is growing louder and more frantic as his panic for me sets in.

  “Eli, I haven’t figured it out okay. I’m still in the dark regarding the whole bloody thing, but you can’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” I say, narrowing my eyes and jutting my chin out stubbornly.

  “I mean, on your own. Stop being so pig headed and distracting me. If you haven’t figured it out, then what are you scared of, because I can see it in your eyes. Something has you running scared and for some reason, it’s making you run further and further away from the people who love you.” He gets to his feet and starts pacing the length of the bed. This is what I was trying to avoid, on top of everything else.

  “I can’t Eli, please don’t make this any harder than it already is,” I’m begging and his eyes are clouding over.

  “If I don’t say this Henleigh, I know I’ll regret it, I love you,” he takes my hands in his and this sudden change is throwing me for a loop, “but I can only take so much. If you keep on pushing, I’ll stop pushing back. You need help and if you won’t accept it from me, please take it from someone. I don’t want anything to happen to you and if you stop being stubborn, I’m only a call away,” he says and there’s this sense of finality in the air.