You’ll Never Have Me (The Never Series Book 3) Read online

  YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ME

  BC MORGAN

  Copyright © 2020

  BC Morgan

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stores or transmitted in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website or distribute it by any other means without permission.

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters, and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

  BC Morgan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  BC Morgan has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

  Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

  First edition

  Created with Vellum

  To my amazing teams who have helped me make this series what it is, Never wouldn’t exist without you and I’ll Never stop appreciating every last one of you.

  Thank you.

  CONTENTS

  Disclaimer

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Prologue

  Gossary

  Thank you

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  DISCLAIMER

  I am a brit born author and use a lot of British sayings and phrases within this book (series) but there is a glossary at the back to cover any words that are predominantly british. Thank you for reading.

  PROLOGUE

  SO, this is how it all ends, I always thought I’d die alone but at least at peace. I mean yeah, the alone part is spot on but I’m far from at peace with the world. My entire being hurts and I just want it to end, to let Dante put me out of my misery and him. Yeah, I never saw that one coming, even throughout the two years I spent in Padstow I never imagined he would be involved.

  They want me to suffer, to pay for Elliott’s sins. Haven’t I already done that? But no, apparently a fast, painless death isn’t enough for these bastards. They want to draw it out, torture me with their silence and strange looks. He’s got the gun in his hand, he always does when he comes into the room, but he hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. I know he’s waiting for something to happen; I just don’t know what it is. If I did, I'd make it happen right now and then this could all be over.

  One good thing, my heart can’t break anymore. And even though I’m not with him or even them, I know I was loved, and it makes it just a little easier. I’m such a sap. All this time I spent running away to keep my life going, I just didn’t see that I was running in the wrong direction.

  Harrison, where are you? No, I can’t think about him. Not being here is a good thing, I just hope he’s still alive somewhere out there. Okay, I will not cry, I will get out of this chair and I’ll make a break for it. He can kill me, but I won’t make it easy for him, the funny thing, your mind goes to some really weird places when you’re faced with your death.

  I can’t stop thinking back on the last day of school, everything that set all of this into motion. Revealing Octavia for who she really is, saying goodbye to my guys for good, even if I only did it internally and believing things couldn’t get any worse. Until it came.

  Maybe it wouldn’t be a terrible thing to think about it for a little while. Hey, if it’s going to end here, I might as well give myself a reason to smile even just for a little while. Sure, the couple of months will also make me want to cry but I’m okay with that, as long as I don’t cry for these two, I will never cry for them!

  ONE

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE this is the last day I’ll set foot in this room,” I say, and I feel a little nostalgic, but Roxie doesn’t feel it at all.

  “We are finally free from this prison baby girl, be happy,” she says but I can’t make a smile appear not now that I’ve let the guys go for good.

  “Have you thought about talking to them? You’re clearly upset, maybe it will do you some good,” she says as she places her hands on my shoulders and gives me a mixed look of sympathy, as though she’s trying to be stern.

  “I can’t, they lied to me for so long. I know Elijah didn’t, but he’s their friend. Honestly, I think I need a clean break,” I say as my voice cracks and tears threaten to spill again.

  “Okay, I’ll tell them to go,” she says and looks at me sheepishly as I glare at her.

  She moves towards the door, but it opens before she gets the chance and all three of them are standing there, looking at me. Amias all dark and broody, with eyes that refuse to release me from their hold. Elijah with his usual smile but it lacks the genuine emotion I’m so used to seeing from him and then there’s Noah. He looks as broken as I feel, his eyes are darkly circled, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. I know how he feels.

  I don’t want Noah to be the first one to say anything, it’ll wreck me. No, I’m hoping for Amias. He always knows how to stir the anger within me, and I really need a dose of anger right now.

  “You need to stop pushing us away and let us explain, why can’t you get that through that stubborn little head of yours,” Amias says as he slams the door closed behind them and Noah looks as though he wants to crack him one.

  “I don’t need to do anything, don’t barge into my room and make demands of me,” I meet his stare head on and step closer, close enough to punch or kiss him. No kissing him. “You lost that right when you couldn’t be honest with me,” I can feel my lip tremble, being this close to them is frazzling my nerves.

  “I didn’t want to lose you,” he shouts, getting so close his nose is brushing mine.

  “Well sucks to be you doesn’t it, because it looks like you failed,” I scream back and then his mouth is on mine and I let him for a second before I pull away and slap him hard across the face.

  He looks stunned, and a little turned on. Why doesn’t that surprise me?

  “You don’t get to kiss me anymore,” I say as I move away from him and I know one of them is following me. My Noah bear, the guy I knew could break my heart, I just never imagined he would.

  “Please Henleigh, I don’t want to lose you. The thought of never holding you again, never kissing you or seeing your whole face light up as you smile is killing me. Please, tell me what I can do to make this right,” tears are streaming down his face as he falls to his knees and clings to my hand.

  “Noah, please. Let me go,” my voice is broken and desperate as my own tears break free.

  “You hate me that much?” His eyes are begging me to say no, to stop the pain even if just a little. Unlike him and Amias, I will never lie to any of them.

  “I could never hate you Noah,” I fall to my knees, landing in front of
him as I take my hand from his grip and place them both on either side of his face. His breath is stuttering out of him and I hate that he’s hurting. “I will always love you, it’s impossible for me to hate you but I can’t do this. Not now, it’ll only hurt more if I delay this. You have to let me go,” there’s not enough air in the room and our tears meld together as I allow myself just one moment of weakness, one last kiss.

  He thinks I’m doing this because he misled me, but it’s not. I’m letting him go for another reason, because I’m scared. The letter I found under my door this morning made my blood turn to ice. If it’s true, then I won’t put them through it. Better they lose me now than later.

  “I get slapped, and he gets a kiss,” Amias is dripping with sarcasm right as he lets out a whoosh of air.

  “Don’t worry about him, he just got an elbow in the sternum,” Elijah says with this cocky note in his voice, I just can’t look away from Noah.

  “Please Henleigh,” Noah tries one last time and I pull away, slowly shaking my head while squeezing my eyes shut.

  “Guys, we should go,” Elijah says he hasn’t even tried to talk me round. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or even more saddened by this.

  “We are not giving up Henleigh,” Amias says with such a sense of surety that it scares me a little. What if he doesn’t let me go?

  Once they’ve gone Roxie wraps her arms around me and I can feel her shaking her head, but she knows why I can’t do this.

  “You need to tell someone Henleigh, you can’t go through with this. I’ll lock you in my attic if it comes to it,” she says with wide eyes and worry encompassing every feature.

  “It’s okay, I’m not doing it. You were right,” my first lie to Roxie, but will it be my last?

  HENLEIGH MONTEREY,

  I have this feeling that you’re the kind of girl who does not take warnings to heart so here we go, there’s a clock ticking on your life and I’m the one who’s going to make sure it stops ticking for good. You can run, hide or face me but first, would you like to know why I’m doing this? Why your brother died? I bet I have your attention now don’t I? In pirate terms I’ll offer a parlay. I’ll tell you why your brother died and you answer any question I ask. You’re going to die either way, don’t you want to know why before it happens, or will you die happy knowing you were forever kept in the dark?

  And just a little side note, I don’t care for your little collection of boyfriends. It may be best for their health if you cut them loose for good. Wouldn’t want them to get in the way of all our fun.

  See you soon pretty girl,

  Dante

  I’VE DECIDED I don’t want to make Octavia’s punishment fancy and lingering, I’m done with this place and I’m done with the Shepherds. I attach the video of her and the others beating me, couldn’t have got a hold of it without Mattias being a whiz on the computer, and our conversation is recorded from when she admitted everything she had done and I’m hitting send. This is going out to everyone, the school, all the students and members of staff. The family members of everyone involved. No one is getting away with it. They left me for dead. They can reap what they sow.

  Now all I need to do is pack up my things and hit the road, I’m staying with Roxie until I figure things out. I just know it won’t be for long. How could I allow my best friend to come under fire? If she’s connected to me, she could get hurt. Dante, the guy who sent me that letter, has already threatened my now exes, I will not have him threatening my friends as well. I don’t know if Dante is Mr. Terrifying, but I’m presuming that’s the case. If not, then I’d love to know how many people are out there that want to do me harm.

  I can’t hold back my deep sigh as someone knocks on my door, I don’t want to see anyone right now. I don’t know how much longer I can act composed and collected. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to find some reserved strength deep inside.

  Opening my door, I’m staring up at Harrison and I don’t understand why he’s here. School is over, we’ll never have to see one another again. Why doesn’t he start celebrating that fact and leave me alone? I’m white knuckling my door frame. Why is this affecting me so badly?

  “Can I come in for a minute?” he’s ducking his head slightly, so he doesn’t feel so opposing and his eyes aren’t filled to the brim with hate anymore.

  “What’s going on?” I ask over my shoulder, as I turn my back on him and try to act as though I have anything left to pack.

  “I’ve come to say bye,” his words have me pausing, why has he come to say bye to me of all people. “I’m not sticking around until the end of the day, I’m done with this place and all the people it houses,” he sounds angry and his tone holds definite heat within it.

  Turning around to face him, I keep my face passive. I am a mountain and cannot be shaken, or some crap like that.

  “That’s fair enough, it’s been... interesting,” I say with a smirk and he looks like he can’t decide if my attitude is irritating or amusing.

  “You off on some wild adventure or are you going to go to a top university? I’m pretty sure you could get in anywhere,” he says, but he sounds so somber.

  “Harrison, why are you here? And don’t give me that bye crap, enemies for life so why lie?” I sound irritated but it isn’t at him, not really, it’s at this whole damn situation.

  “I told my parents I’m going to live my life for me and I will be going to college, they just don’t want it to be at home. I’m a big disappointment now, dad said Amias should have hit me harder,” he goes from sounding angry to heart broken in one fell swoop.

  “Your dad said that, and I thought I had parent issues,” I can’t keep the disgust from my voice, how could his dad say something like that? He almost lost his son for fuck sake.

  “Don’t get worked up over it, I’m used to him by now,” he’s trying for nonchalant but failing miserably, I can hear the slight choke in his voice and his eyes are filled with pain and regret. “I guess I just wanted to say thanks, I screwed up your life, but you helped me to fix mine. Guess I’ll have to find a way to repay you,” his eyes are screaming at me to give him that option now, but I’m beyond help.

  “Don’t worry about it, I hold no ill will towards you H. Just no more PastFinder and trying to make people feel small and scared.” I say the words gently but inside I’m screaming; I want someone to see the fear I’m hiding and stop me from making what I know will be just another costly mistake.

  “I’ll try, but I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. Too much like the old man I guess,” he laughs but it’s dark and mirthless. “See you around Henleigh or I guess, I won’t,” he hesitates again, and he looks uncertain about something but as he closes his eyes and reopens them, the uncertainty is gone. “Don’t do anything stupid Monterey, I remember the note you got. Don’t go getting yourself killed for no good reason,” he goes to step closer, but he doesn’t instead he gives me one last fleeting look and then he’s gone.

  STANDING HERE, staring up at the buildings that have housed me for nearly two years feels surreal. Roxie isn’t bothered and she’s just waiting around for me to get my shit together so we can leave. Two weeks tops, before my dad will come and get me and I have to figure out what to do about Dante in that time.

  “Erm baby girl, isn’t that your dad?” Roxie asks as she comes closer and points at a man climbing out of a rental, an air of confusion in her voice.

  “Yeah, give me a second maybe I read the email wrong,” I say, and she gives me a slight eye roll before climbing into the car waiting to take us to hers.

  “Dad, what are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t come down here for at least a fortnight. Did I read your message wrong?” I ask but I’m sure I didn’t, I can recall his word as clear as if I only read them a second ago. Eidetic memory for the win, I guess.

  “No, I’m not here to get you Hennie, I’ve been asked to go to the US. Our firm has been given this huge opportunity to land a new client and it will do wonde
rs for our firm. The only thing is, they think I’m the best one to assure they use us in the future. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, and your mother is in no position to look after you,” he sounds so technical and he’s barely looking at me. I never should have let myself hope that we could rebuild our relationship.

  “So, what’s going to happen to me then?” I ask, my tone devoid of any infliction, I won’t let him see how hurt I am.

  “I bought the cottage; you can use it if you want to stay here or go to uni. I’d take you with me if I could but there isn’t enough time. I’ve put some money into your account, and you have an ISA that should pay out soon. If you need anything let me know, I’m not abandoning you Hennie, it’s just work,” his words are hollow and they mean nothing to me.

  He tries to hug me, but I can’t do this, so I step back. He looks a little sad but I’m not buying it as he sighs and shakes his head.

  “I’ll let you know when I’ll be back,” he says, and it’s almost as if I’m frustrating him. How ridiculous is that?

  “What about mum?” I ask, I don’t really care but someone needs to remind him about his family.

  “She’s still in rehab and we’ve separated, again it might not be permanent but we’re clearly not healthy together. I’ve got to go kiddo, I’ll see you... soon,” he smiles weakly before climbing into his car and driving away.

  That slight hesitation tells me everything I need to know. He doesn’t plan on coming back and I have very few people I can count on. Maybe I should feel sad, but it just seems inevitable to me. I may not think being alone is best for me anymore, but maybe it’s my destiny to always end up like that anyway.

  Screw it, two weeks with Roxie is what I’m going to do and then I’m gone. She’s my best friend and I’m going to keep her safe, she doesn’t need to know I’m not returning to my dad. I’ll spend a couple nights at the cottage and then I’ll lock that up for good too. I’d refuse the money if I could but I’m not an idiot until I can sustain myself, I have very little choice but to use his hand out.